Nobody Taught My Kids to Do Laundry. They Learned Because They Had To.

Every spring, the Facebook pages and mom blogs fill up with the same posts. The title changes, but the premise is always the same: here is what I wish I had taught my kids before I sent them off to college. Laundry. Cooking. Banking. Grocery shopping. Going to the doctor alone. Getting the oil changed.

And every year I read those posts and think the same thing: how does a child reach eighteen without knowing any of this?

Did their parents genuinely love doing laundry on Saturday mornings? Did they actually enjoy spending their days off at the grocery store? Did they prefer cleaning the house to every other possible use of their free time?

Because I did not. Not even a little.

I Had a Life to Live

On my days off, I wanted lazy mornings, workouts, golf, and time on the water. I did not want to spend my limited free hours cleaning up after people who were perfectly capable of cleaning up after themselves.

I took care of everything when my kids were small because they needed me to. But at some point, they stopped being small. And once that happened, there was no good reason for me to keep doing everything for them.

If they wanted me free to do fun activities with them, they were going to have to help.

How It Actually Happened

It was never a lesson plan. It was never a scheduled life-skills curriculum. It was just the natural result of being a busy person with a full-time job and a finite number of hours in a week.

“Mom, you never washed this shirt.”

Me: “Let me show you how to wash it yourself.”

“Mom, can you pick up _____ at the store?”

Me: “You have a copy of my credit card and a car I pay for. Go get it yourself.”

“Mom, what’s for dinner?”

Me: “I’m still working. You’re going to have to figure something out.”

“Mom, I have a doctor’s appointment.”

Me: “I have a conflict. Do you think you can go on your own? The doctor has my number if there’s an issue.”

These were not moments of brilliant parenting. They were moments of honest limits. I was busy. I was tired. I could not do everything. And so, they learned.

The Secret Nobody Is Saying Out Loud

Kids do not learn life skills because their parents sit them down and teach them. They learn life skills because they need them. Necessity is a remarkably effective teacher, and it requires no Pinterest board.

The real question is not why nobody taught these kids to do laundry. The real question is why their parents made it so easy for them to never have to.

There are only so many hours in a day. There is only so much free time in a week. You do not have to spend all of it managing the lives of people who are old enough to manage their own.

Why carry the stress of being the sole caretaker of your home when you have capable kids, a full-time job, and better things to do with your Saturday?

How It Turned Out

My youngest is in college now. Not only was he fully capable of living on his own when he left for college, but whenever he comes home on break, he also volunteers to do the cooking and grocery shopping. Being called out of your home office at 7 pm to “Mom, dinner is ready” is priceless.

Funny how that works.

— Michele Hara, Hindsight Parenting